Q&A with Saundra Pelletier

Q: Why did you write Saddle Up Your Own White Horse?
A: I have spent a significant amount of time conducting market research on what women want and what they're not getting. I have also spent one-on-one time with women in my seminars, in my coaching practice and during the various talks I give on a weekly basis. The one resounding thing I hear repeatedly is, "There is no balanced voice for women." The messages are black or white, strong or weak. Too many women are alienated by extreme views. We are the mediators in this world, so why would we listen to anything other than a balanced perspective? I offer that perspective in this book. I feel that Saddle Up Your Own White Horse represents the majority opinion and has messages for all women, messages that are timeless, practical and substantial. I wrote this book so I can be that balanced voice for women and introduce the idea that standing up for what you want and being able to stand on your own is the best way to get everything you want, including a mate to stand by your side.

 

Q: Why do women look at professional success differently than men do?
A: Women are trained to believe that professional success is something we can think about after we have achieved success as a mother or a wife. We women all love our feminine side--our natural emotional intelligence, our gifts of nurturing--and women who strive for professional success are depicted as cold, hardened and even heartless. Women think of success as a luxury, not a God-given right, and that is our own fault. We need to change that way of thinking today and understand that our ability to effectively multitask allows us to "have it all," including personal and professional success.

 

Q: Why is it so easy to get out of alignment with our core values?
A: We are so good at putting ourselves second and convincing ourselves that it is noble to do so, we set our core values aside. This robs all the people we are supposedly supporting of seeing our true strength. Instead of recognizing that our core values can be the foundation of our families, we take on a taskmaster role, simply checking off items on our to-do list, and make excuses as to why this is acceptable. This creates the regret and resentment I see in so many empty-nesters who find themselves alone, wondering why their lives lacks substance.

 

Q: Why is it so hard for women to say no?
A: We are pleasers, and pleasers say yes even when we desperately want to say no. We say yes because we can. We can juggle it all, but the one critical mistake we make is that instead of juggling everything, we place our own desires on hold while we help others follow their dreams. We think the word no is an admission of failure, a crack in our armor, Instead, we need to think of the word no as a discerning choice that shows our thoughtful commitment to what is important.

  

Q: What are your goals/hopes/dreams for women today?
A: I'd like to see mind-set shift that establishes a sense of confident entitlement without a sense of attitude. My hope is that women will disregard all their preconceived ideas of what they should and could have and determine for themselves what they really want. I want women to embrace the idea that their lives are defined only by them and that motherhood and marriage are choices, not requirements.

 

Q: What is the most important issue facing women today?
A: Equality. We have not achieved equality yet, and too many women are resting on the idea that the battle is won. The very idea that Roe vs. Wade was even questioned is evidence that we have not achieved equality. We must think about equality and then stand and be counted from both a voting perspective and a corporate perspective. Pay, positions of power and society-imposed ideas of "female ideals" are far from equal.

 

Q: What's your solution to the Mommy Wars?
A: Self-exploration and awareness: if we can focus on self-exploration (finding out what we're good at) and awareness (seeing the big picture instead of directing our frustrations toward each other), we can make a measurable difference in how we perceive our roles and how men perceive us. The Mommy Wars have arisen out of fear: we fear that we may be doing something wrong so if we blame and judge women who choose the opposite approach, we somehow feel right and justified. We need to refocus our energy on what is best for us as individual mothers of individual children, and that answer will and should be different for every person.